Alone in saddle city again, but after paper chains are cut, i'll fly away on more than a paper plane. This vanilla hagen-dazs is Making love cheaply to me. boy for being hippies some girls sure can be downright nasty. her words kill more than they should. she calls me nothing, when she looks at me she sees nothing. She makes me nothing simply by treating me like nothing.
went to sleep at 9:30 this morning. didn't wake up till 9:15 at night. sleep is only my temporary half day attempt at escaping. it seems like everywhere i turn i get criticized, and yet i don't criticize back. i strive harder daily to let people make thier mistakes and worry about me making my own. why is it people can find my faults easier than thier own. or they tell me to change and they don't. they don't see that we both choose to make our mistakes because we want to. apparently i'm not allowed to, because mine hurt myself instead of others. i prefer it. fuck them. fuck them hurting me and telling me to stop hurting myself. fuck that.
ugh. i can't recall being so digusted with existence, yet i always am. i look at the stars and yearn to be alone wit myself. someday i know i will be. and i know i will die alone like a sweet old dog under the house. as for now "i'm patiently waiting for death"(stompingondinosaurs... see there's your credit take it.)
all i've wanted to do all week is go to the ocean and let it cleanse my wounds. it's the whole reason i came here. and now after half a year i still struggle to get to the ocean. pacificacifism. i miss the ocean how i sleep in the fetal position to dream of the womb. since the day i was born i've rejected the world for how it has become. if it weren't for others who care i would rush the afterlife like a kamikaze. i guess i'm just a patient kamikaze.

yea theres some peoples company i will miss. one of them will probably antagonize this or suggest that i injest feces like it's a reeses.

i'm so fuckin over it. all of it. i'm gonna go ride a bike. i will get to the ocean.